ramble, ramble

I was watching an old episode of "Futurama" earlier, trying to veg and not think about all the people in the country (world?) that just didn't even have a chance to run or fight back. It's so unbelievably depressing, so of course I sought refuge in the awesomeness of cartoons. Fabulous use of energy and time, right? Yeah, I'm a real conservation and efficiency genius. It was the episode where Fry spends millions of dollars on the last tin of anchovies on the planet. I decided anchovies sounded awesome, and opened up a tin of them I found in the hotel. They were tasty, but they are way better on pizza or in a salad like from El Greco. I realize I have no idea how one even obtains live anchovies, much less how to make them salty and delicious. I don't know the specifics on pickles, either (Yes, I know they're cucumbers in salty water, but I think there might be a bit more to it than that), and olives are right out of the question for our midwestern climate. Is it even safe to fish? To hunt? What if some animals have been tainted in some way by whatever made the zombies? I still don't quite understand what happened to make all these people zombiefied. Treesong's comments about us calling them zombies to feel better about killing them hit me pretty hard; I've been contemplating the same thing myself. I mean, what if it's some kind of curable disease? Then all these poor people died when they could have been saved. I'm not saying we shouldn't fight back, we have to stay alive and keep each other safe; I guess I'm just remembering that the creatures we're calling zombies were humans like us not very long ago, and that they're victims, too. Perhaps even more so.

I can't seem to get to sleep tonight, and I probably won't. I've heard the phrase "worried sick" before, but tonight my stomach feels like it's twisting around, and it's making all these horrible squishy noises, so I think I'm finally catching on to the meaning of that particular saying. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that the oily, salty fishies I consumed didn't help all that much, either. No wonder no one else wanted them. I haven't heard back from Steve or Josh or anyone for quite some time. They're probably okay, but... Gah. It takes courage to go out and undertake daring missions, but at least for me, it's scarier waiting back at home. At least if you're on an adventure, you have all the adrenaline and excitement and close calls that make your heart just about stop right in the moment, but that you laugh about later, and turn into a story later on. "I got sick for stupid reasons and felt sad about a number of things" isn't really fireside tale material.

On that note, I think I'm about finished here. I've typed and deleted about two paragraphs worth of sentences now, because nothing seems to do justice to how much I miss my family and friends. The fact that everyone else does, too, doesn't comfort me, it just makes me feel worse. I hate this feeling, why would I wish it on anyone else!? I want to be curled up with my warm, beautiful Steve, and congratulating the others on a job well done. It feels like this night will never end.