(From Courtney. Woo.)
We killed and killed because there was nothing else we could do. I am getting so fed up with other people forcing our hand. It's always been easier to destroy than to build, but why take by force when you could just ask? What has our community ever done but give freely to whomever is in need? What is the damn point of shooting at us when we would usher you in through the front gates, so to speak, if you came peacefully? I'm sick of looking at dead people. I don't feel anything right now, not triumph over our fallen foes, not sorrow over our dead. Just the urge to not have to look at corpses any more. They're pale and waxy and don't look quite human without that animating spark, and I think it reflects my fear that we will become less than human over time.
From a strategic point of view, I feel disgusted with such wastefulness. The invaders laid waste to much of our hard work, they wasted the potential of so many lives, including some that had just barely begun. They wasted their own lives, in the end. What did we gain yesterday but destruction? What did anyone gain? Thirty-six dead is a SUBSTANTIAL loss, and that's not even counting casualties on the other side, though a creeping bitterness makes it tempting to say our opponents' lives ending doesn't ultimately count for much of a loss.
So what do we do? For my part, I've been throwing myself headlong into whatever reconstruction and cleanup efforts I can. My muscles are screaming at me in protest; though anyone's life in this harsh new world could hardly be considered leisurely, the relatively soft life of a diplomat has gotten me a bit out of practice for heavy lifting. On a tangential note, THANK YOU, Jack, Lisa, Randall, Kimiko, Amadi, and all you others who have not only put aside fear and prejudice to reach out to us and our community, but came through and helped us so much in our hour of need. You're true heroes and genuine human beings, and you've given all of us some much-needed hope right now, as well as an actual shot at survival. I miss everyone up north so much, but there's no way in hell I'm leaving here now. I don't blame anyone who wants to get the heck outta Dodge; there have been plenty of close calls lately. I just have this little stubborn part inside that ignites when random groups of violent idiots come bringing death to our doorstep AGAIN, and there is just no way I would give them the satisfaction of running me off. At least not for now.
Finally, I never did properly thank Patrick for protecting Treesong while our diplomatic group was away. I had this D&D character who became obsessed with increasing her speed and mastering teleportation, so she could get to anyone who needed her help instantly. Not having mastered those skills IRL, knowing there was literally NOTHING I could do to help you guys was agonizing. No one can be everywhere at once, which is why it's so great to have a devoted group of friends and family you can count on to carry out good works in your absence. Thanks so much, Pat.
Well, focusing on the positive for a little while has helped improve my mood a great deal. I'll be getting back to work, then. A big ol' F-U to the warmongers that can't seem to get it through their heads that the old ways were dying out even before the zombies, and the standard invite to those who want to forsake the mindless violence and ceaseless drive for conquest, and help build something real, a place to call home. It's harder, but I still believe it's worthwhile.
But the bodies. Man. The sight of fallen friends and neighbors should never be something that fills you with irritation and disgust rather than grief. I know I'm not okay right now, but I promise I'll get my head together soon. So many lives, so much potential, just snuffed out...it's so stupid and pointless. So if you're feeling particularly expansionist in your violent tendencies, please do us all a big favor and stay the hell away from our compound. We have plenty of bodies already, and right now, no one here is feeling particularly reluctant to add yours to the pile.