Wednesday, August 8, 2012

The Mourning After

There have been a lot of messages from you out there who read this blog since yesterday's post. Many of you apologized for your earlier comments toward us, chastising us for not helping the Louisville people out. Some of you have said that in light of their actions you felt wrong about saying what you did. That we were right not to help.

No. You were right to call us out. At the time, none of us knew how desperate the sickness would make our friends from Louisville. The consensus here is that we still made the right decision in not offering our aid, but course correction can't happen without feedback. More now than ever it's vital that we continue to take a critical look at each other, our motivations and actions, and speak up if we think something is wonky. Maybe if we'd have worked out some kind of minimal assistance earlier this situation could have been avoided. There's no way to know.

Nor do I agree with those of you who say the Louisville crew deserved what they got for attacking us, or that the remaining members of their group are 'former' friends. You have the right to your opinion, obviously, but I was there. I saw the terrible shape they were in. Many of them looked starved after so long unable to keep any food in their bellies. They were weak and terrified. Doing what they did--coming here--wasn't a malicious act born out of hatred or anger. It was the last-ditch effort of a dying people trying anything they could to survive.

Because goddammit, that's what survivors do. We've all learned by now that some principles shouldn't be put aside even in the face of death itself, but others matter more than the lives of others. I think about what I would do if New Haven were wracked by a similar plague, and I can honestly say that if I were in their position I'd probably have done the same. The people around me, my friends and family (everyone here are those to me. When you shed blood in defense of your home, that makes you family) are worth any cost. I would die or kill or threaten to keep them safe.

Don't expect any I-told-you-so's from me. Nothing about this situation is good. One small spot of not terrible to be found is that the surviving Louisville crew managed to get away safely. The efforts of our assault teams in scouring the local landscape of zombies paid off at least that much.

What happened was awful, and I worry about the long-term consequences. We haven't heard back from any of the volunteers that left to go assist them. We don't know if they were among the escapees or never left Louisville in the first place. I can only imagine that the ones left alive after this plague burns itself out will harbor bad feelings toward us. Hard to blame them, I suppose. And if that happens and they choose to fight about it, I'll feel bad all over again. Because I'll always defend my people, even if it means killing friends.

Much has happened over the last several days aside from these events. As much time and attention as I've put toward them, they've actually been a minimal distraction from the work going on here. We've had all sorts of people come in from the north, and new sections of infrastructure being worked on. For what should be clear reasons I've ignored that, and I won't get into it today. But tomorrow life and this blog will go on as normal. At least I'll make my best effort.

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