It turns out that any whining I might have done to Will about bringing the kids here was moot well before I even asked. A group I've never heard of has invited the survivors of the Benton massacre to live with them. Apparently this group, housed in a location not known to anyone outside of leadership, has been quietly gathering orphans for the last year or so. Sounded sketchy to me at first, but there are enough people well-trusted and well-known who vouch for them that it seems impossible that these people are bad news.
The really frustrating aspect is that I don't get to know anything about the place. Literally nothing. The only message passed on to the general public was what I've already said.
I want to know more and it's driving me crazy. I want to know why they gather and care for kids. Is it solely for the purpose of safeguarding that little slice of our future? Where are they located? What defenses do they have? How can they be so certain that they're as safe for such precious cargo as they need to be?
This whole thing really drove home the point for me. For the first time I'm starting to see that I'm out of the loop. From the founding of New Haven back when it was just the compound, I was a part of the goings-on at the highest level. My judgment and problem-solving skills were highly regarded even though I might have had a position of only moderate importance.
Since my breakdown that hasn't been true. I'm only as informed as everyone else now. That's not a bad thing at all, especially considering the security risks involved in this particular situation. It's just hard to go from being able to satisfy my curiosity at a moment's notice to...not. To not having that easy option at hand.
It's a stupid thing to whine about, I know. I wouldn't even mention it here if it weren't such a drastic change from the way things were.
In the final equation it's almost certainly a good thing those kids aren't headed this way. The last few nights have been bitterly cold, which has (surprisingly) slowed down the New Breed a great deal. We've been able to repel most attacks and make a good effort at constantly repairing our defenses after attacks. The old school zombies are still proof against very cold weather, but it seems the New Breed never quite stop evolving, or at least do it faster. Maybe they're having trouble with the cold because their bodies are trying to adapt to the fire we use against them. No way to tell.
We've got a lull at night and in the dawn hours right now. It won't last (based on how fair the universe has been to us so far) but we won't despair. New Haven might not be the best place for a new group of displaced kids at the moment, but we're far from helpless and will do everything in our power to repair and upgrade our defenses while conditions allow.
I may not be in the chain of command, and certainly not a 'need to know' person in any event, but I know this much: the whole point of these expansions is to become stable. To become more. To build NH into a place that can keep kids safe and act as a platform on which we can make a better tomorrow. If that trip down the timestream comes with disappointments like these, then we'll just have to learn to take them in stride. My hope is that we'll gain some determination and commitment from our small setbacks so that we never have to err into large ones.
Maybe I'm just trying to find a silver lining, as if those kids going to a place specializing in the kind of care they need in an environment rich with other children wasn't reason enough to be happy.
If so, then I guess I can't help but shrug. I'm okay with self-delusion as a means of coping. People have been doing it since the dawn of human sentience, after all.
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