Thursday, December 13, 2012

Dark Passenger

Did any of you ever read the 'Dexter' books? I watched a bit of the show and read the first book. That feels like years ago. But while I don't feel the overwhelming urge to be a serial killer like that character, I kind of understand how the author described his urge to kill as a Dark Passenger. I've got one of those, too. Except for me it's depression and anxiety (as I've mentioned probably way too much) instead of homicidal tendencies.

It's twenty degrees out this morning, which means we're pretty much zombie free. It was too cold last night for the undead to even attempt scaling our wall, and that should put me in a good mood. It actually does mitigate my mood a bit, but I felt that shadow over my thoughts as soon as I woke up.

That's the fucked up thing about psychological problems, you know? They can sneak up on you at any time and sideline you. I'm blessed because my own issues have never been as crippling for me as they have for other people I've known. I've always been very lucky that way. My heart goes out to anyone who has to deal with the deeper depressions and truly uncontrollable anxiety problems. By comparison my own are small potatoes.

But it never feels that way to the person going through it. For me a particular thought or event becomes persistent in my mind, eating away at me over time and generally pulling me down. For example, I know intellectually that today I'm feeling low because the UAS sent a messenger to one of our allied groups yesterday, and that group shared the message with us. It's way too long to share here in its entirety--it's about thirty pages--but the basic gist of it is why I'm not at my best this morning.

Many of you commented on yesterday's post, explaining what you thought might be happening with the UAS. I have to hand it to you; you were right. They aren't just people from a bunker. Many of them are former officials, a few congressmen and senators, and from what I understand even more important personages than that. Nor are they all from a single bunker. There are members of at least three of them all gathered in one place. Too many, they said, which is why they're expanding outward.

All that is fine and good. I could care less. But the hard pill to swallow is that they don't plan to stop their expansion. The message was long-winded and mostly written in the self-important prose only found in legal documents, but the nuts and bolts of it say that the UAS intends to form a new government. That everyone falls under their authority.

Look, I was not (and am not) one of those anti-government people. I don't have a problem with folk coming together and deciding en masse to create a large structural system of governance. That's totally cool with me. Always has been.

But that's not what this is. The UAS admitted outright that they know they can't force us to do anything. They know we've been struggling out here in the world since The Fall and they know we're better survivors. The resources we're relatively rich in, such as stores of food, they aren't. They're getting by off the remnants of their canned goods and similar items from their little hidey-holes and whatever they can hunt. That's part of why they've been spreading out so far and wide. Takes a lot of game to feed so many damn people.

I have a suspicion about them, but I'm keeping that close to the chest. I want to talk it over with Will before I make any accusations.

The really insane thing about this message is the sheer scope of the cognitive dissonance in it. The UAS says on the one hand that they feel every survivor out here is under their authority. They make that claim despite the fact that there is no government left of any kind. I'd be thrilled if a fully functional federal government suddenly popped up out of nowhere and was capable of curbing the harshness of the lives we live. That would be fucking great.

But that's the other hand. They claim authority over us, but they admit they have no power to enforce that. Yet. They claim power but profess weakness. It's almost an invitation for a fight. It's stupid and careless and enraging. People who've lived in armored boxes most of the time we've been out here are trying to explain to us why they're superior or something. Like I said, it makes my brain hurt.

But for now, we're taking them at their word. No matter how upsetting this is, we aren't making the first move. It's just not in the cards. If this is an act of deliberate provocation, it failed. If it's genuine (and idiotic) communication from people that don't know better, it also failed. There's no chance we'd let ourselves be governed by entitled morons like this.

I just hope it doesn't devolve into something worse. The whole thing makes me sad for a lot of reasons. Most of them relate to disappointment. There are thousands of survivors out there with resources unknown. They could have been a huge boon to us and we to them. There were so many possibilities. Instead of being positive forces for each other, we're dealing with this. It makes me want to curl up in the bed and just drift mentally.

As a matter of fact, I think that's exactly what I'm going to do.


  1. Wow! I really want to believe in the best of humanity, especially with all that's happened, but damn, really? It's mind boggling to even try to understand the human existance of some. There will always be those that work for what they want, those that think they're entitled to something they didn't work for, and those that take because they can. Well I'll be damned if we go back to that type of society. I live within these walls of New Haven, all be it soberly & humbly, but I WORK for all that we have...we all do! I have had mental ups and downs, but I REFUSE to kowtow to these mental morons! I would't want to inhibit others from trying to survive or thrive, but if it infringes on my life, then it's a major problem! Be warned! Lugi.

  2. Hey Josh, get in touch with me cause I've got something that I need to tell you before you hear about it by other means.

  3. sounds like the liberals survived and now want to take power because they know best, bolllocks!!!!

  4. As a liberal myself, I think it's much more an issue of perspective and experience rather than political ideology.

  5. Liberals? Speech even now conservatives blame liberal thinkers? Lets face it we should be beyond that rubbish, politicos and cowards survived in those bunkers, and now they want to spread their law over us who had to end some of our own families lives while they hid... tell you what UAS you are welcome to Phoenix, or what will be left of it, Iwont bend knee to tyrants or coward.

  6. Let me guess, a certain former president from Texas is among them.

  7. What ridiculous buffoons. Hell, if the remnants of the US Military couldn't assert the power they wanted to, what makes these jackasses believe that a bunch of suits with now irrelevant office jobs could?

    UAS, I know you read this, you are losing a great deal by trying to gain authority when you should be trying to gain wisdom. Knowledge is power, and in this world you have NONE. Remember that before you go after those who have gained more experience in the last three years than you have in your entire soft, privileged, lazy, lives.

  8. They have nothing to offer in exchange for this authority. They are clearly politicians. Do they expect to accomplish anything with this manifesto?

    I have to say they will not have authority over me or my group. We abide by laws of survival and try to maintain human rights. We work hard for all we need to survive, we believe in those we have stood side by side with in this fight to survive. That does not include these fools.

    I hope they can find a way to survive on their own, because they are already proving they aren't worth getting to know.

    Warning UAS, there are lines you may not cross. We will not be ruled by you, and in the end you may need our help to learn to survive.

  9. I would be interested to hear an honest response from one of the UAS. They do monitor this post right? How can they truely believe survivors would allow themselves to be governed once more by inept and selfish morons? We are starting from scratch since these politicians abandoned America and are much better off without them.

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.